Get Outta My FACE(book)

We’re all tired of Facebook and here’s why…

 

1. My creepy neighbor knows that, yes, I have read his message.

Is it just me that thinks this is weird? Who was this feature supposed to benefit beside the creepy and stalker-ish?

I never seen your message ‘LIAR AND NOW I WILL SKIN YOUR CAT’. How does he know? Was he watching me from a tree? Nope, they don’t need stealth anymore thanks to Mark Zuckerberg.

 

2. Hashtags are actually a thing.

How is it that whatever we ask for, like a dislike button, we’re denied? Yet anything we do not ask for (or rather absoloutley under no circumstances want) they feel they must provide? When they gave us a timeline most of my Facebook friends very nearly organised a protest march. If they bring out one more frickin’ update for the app I’ll give them a very bad review on the app store. THAT’LL SHOW THEM.

3. The lad I fancy might actually find out

Did you know one of those ‘find your top followers’ apps actually WORK?! I check my exes, crushes and people I cant stand’s profiles at least once a day (i’m a nutcase, sue me). If they ever discover this I dont think I could leave my house for several weeks.

 

4. I cant get my uni assignments done because, you know… candycrush.

It’s basically a full-time job now. I’ve been stuck on level 99 for weeks. It’s an odd number and I CANNOT deal with it.

 

5. What if future employers check my Facebook and realize that in 2008 I was ‘lovin tht special sum1 ldz xoxo’?

They do it you know. My lecturer told me. In 5 years time I very much plan on working for cosmopolitan magazine and I dont think Louise Court will appreciate that four years ago I was ‘in saltwel park gettin off me nut wif the lasses :P:P’. Does anyone really need to be able to look back on your full Facebook profile? Do you even want to do it yourself? Save the shame.

 

6. Who needs pornhub anyway?

We’ve all seen it. And by ‘it’ I mean many, MANY hairy-fairys and willies. You cant sign on these days without seeing somebody getting creative with their latest Ann Summers purchase , or stumbling across a page like ‘Sunderland rate your shag’/’Gateshead sluts exposed’. All this peen and it’s not even lunch time.

 

 

mz

– Problem, Facebookians?

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