Well, is it?
Either way, I’m doing it, because this product has CHANGED MY FREAKING LIFE. I’m well aware that I sound like one of those adverts that pop up on the side of your laptop when you’re on a freaky-deeky website, but it’s true and I don’t care who knows it.
I AM IN LOVE WITH OTRIVINE NASAL SPRAY AND I NEED YOU TO KNOW WHY.
So I’ve been ill (on and off, but mainly on) for a month and a half. It’s typical that this would happen, as I’m smack-bang in the middle of doing my dissertation and I am that woman from Family Guy who ‘just CANNOT get sick right now’. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, click here and for goodness sake, get into Family Guy. It’s quality TV.
I’ve been getting maybe four hours sleep per night, and waking up feeling like Satan himself is sitting on my chest with his fingers up my nose, refusing me the right to breathe easy.
In short, it’s been a nightmare and all I’ve wanted to do is lie in bed, whimper and binge-watch Gilmore Girls. If various soup and sweet-tea were involved, it would be a bonus.
I’ve never believed that there was an actual cure for stuffy noses. Everyone got them, and you just deal with it because that is life. Can we also all collectively agree that Vicks VapoRub is nothing but a comfort blanket that our parents fake-soothed us with when we were young and sniveling?
Aside from that, I’ve tried those weird sniff-sticks (that did nothing but make me feel like I’d rubbed acid directly into my eyes), hot showers, the head-over-the-sink-with-hot-water-running technique, and of course the weird ritual of lying in bed on your side until the blockage shifts to your other nostril, then turning over and repeating the process. They’re all short-term fixes that just make your snuffy-ness come back with an evil vengeance.
Anyway, as normal and expected as colds might be, there’s no denying that they’re extremely bloody annoying and make you feel like shit for an unknown amount of time. When will it end?!
But it’s okay now, because I have the answer. It will end RIGHT NOW (or as soon as you can get to a pharmacy).
I decided that enough was enough: I was going to take control of my life, with help from Susan at Boots.
Putting on my best ‘I’m really poorly and require the good-stuff’ voice, I asked Susan to save me. She gave me a knowing smile, and handed me Otrivine Nasal Spray. Skeptically, I bought it, picked up a bottle of Night Nurse (best. ever) and said ‘dank you’ to Sues and left for some privacy. As ill as I may be, I wasn’t standing in the middle of a packed shop sticking something up my horn.
Tilt your head forward, spray the… spray, and inhale (as) deeply (as you can when you’re dying from asphyxiation). No horrible taste in the back of my throat, no eye watering, and NO BLOCKED NOSE. I couldn’t believe it. I could have wept right there in the ladies loo’s. My quality of life instantly arose by around 80% and I wanted to march down to Otrivine HQ and kiss the inventors straight on the mouth.
Alas, as much as I wanted to do that, I wanted to have a good night’s sleep more. And that I did – soundly, deep and un-awakened by suffocation of the nasal-region.
I completely get that this is a really weird review to do, but if it helps just ONE over-reactor/hypochondriac like myself who’s awake at 3AM looking for miracle cures for a run-of-the-mill cold, then I have done my job.
Go forth, my people, and breathe.
NOTE: If you’re wondering, yes I have replaced my boyfriend with Otrivine on the feature image. It means that much to me.
MORE NOTES: Otrivine lasts up to ten hours, so only take it up to twice a day. I’d recommend saving it for first thing on a morning and last thing at night, when you always feel the worst. Also, keep some tissue handy when you use it, because for a few seconds your nose will leak like a mother-fucker.
ONE MORE NOTE: I just found out the RRP for it is £2.65. I paid almost a fiver for it. I thought we were friends, Susan.