VALAR MORGHULIS: Top 12 Game Of Thrones Deaths

When you play the game of thrones, you win or you die. Or, you win and then die a bit later.

Ask anyone about Game Of Thrones, and they will be ready with a list of why it’s the best thing to ever happen to television – excitement, sex, incest and the likes are big plus points, but what gets top spot every time is the sheer amount of gruesome yet awesome death scenes that leave you reeling for days.

We’re wading knee deep into series five of our favourite series, and honestly, we expected a few more of our beloved characters to be brutally murdered by now.
Let’s call it the GoT effect, because thanks to George R. R. Martin, super-fans of the show seem to feel that nothing’s really worth watching unless someone you love is killed brutally before your eyes. We find ourselves watching episodes of Friends, fantasising about how much better it would be if Chandler unsheathed his sword and stuck Joey in the eye. How much better would How I Met Your Mother be if Lilly took an axe to the skull while Marshall looked on helplessly, bound by The Bro Code to fight her comrades to the death?

Let’s take a look at the best and worst deaths to happen so far.

12) Robert Baratheon

DIED: Season 1, episode 7 ‘You Win Or You Die’
BY: A wild boar
METHOD: Mortally wounded after hunting while drunk

To be fair, it wouldn’t be much of a game for the throne if King Robert kept it to himself all this time. We didn’t really get the chance to get overly attached to him, and if a wild boar didn’t finish him off we’re pretty sure heart disease or high blood pressure would of.

11) Lysa Arryn

DIED: Season 4, episode 7 ‘Mockingbird’
BY: Petyr Baelish
METHOD: Booted through the Moon Door

Did anyone particularly care? Not really. She kind of set herself up for it by being an overbearing mother and all around pain in everyone’s neck. I suppose we’ll have to start little Lord Jon on solids now. Ew.

10) Grey Wind

DIED: Season 3, episode 9 ‘The Rains Of Castamere’
BY: Frey’s men
METHOD: Stabbed

You can’t just kill a dog and pretend it doesn’t matter, okay? Grey Wind was the one spark of happiness in the Westeros, and he’s gone, and it’s NOT OKAY. Despite how many people’s throats he’s ripped out in his time, we’re betting that this dog will go to heaven.

9) Khal Drogo

DIED: Season 1, episode 10 ‘Fire And Blood’
BY: Daenerys Targaryen
METHOD: Suffocation

In time, we’ve come to expect a little bit more from Game Of Thrones deaths, so Drogo being put out of his misery by his wife was a bit of an anti-climax. Even so, it hit us pretty hard since we had grown to love his and Daenerys twisted love story. HOW CAN YOU SHIP A COUPLE WHEN ONE HALF OF IT IS DEAD?!

8) Oberyn ‘The Red Viper’ Martell

DIED: Season 4, episode 8 ‘The Mountain And The Viper’
BY: Gregor ‘The Mountain’ Clegane
METHOD: Eye-gouging

A valuable lesson can be learned from this guy: don’t get cocky. The Red Viper had a swagger that grew on you, and his intentions going into the fight with The Mountain were good. We rooted for him, we really did, but it’s his own fault for being so arrogant.

7) Sandor ‘The Hound’ Clegane

DIED: Season 4, episode 10 ‘The Children’
BY: Brienne of Tarth
METHOD: Mortally wounded in combat

We could never really decide if we loved or hated The Hound, so his death was a bit of a wet fart on a cold day. He gained major brownie points by protecting Arya, but in the same breath we knew that he was doing it for his own personal gain. We will miss his one-liners, though.

6) Robb Stark (and the rest)

DIED: Season 3, episode 9 ‘The Rains Of Castamere’
BY: Roose Bolton
METHOD: Stabbed

It’s still pretty raw to talk about The Red Wedding. What can only be described as a bloodbath and a total slap in the face, the episode left us reeling for days, unsure whether or not this was all a dream. On top of the death of Robb, his missus and their unborn child, we also lost Lady Catelyn who was all ‘just do it, I can’t deal with this sh*t anymore’.

5) Ygritte

DIED: Season 4, episode 9 ‘The Watchers On The Wall’
BY: Olly
METHOD: Shot with an arrow

Bloody Olly! This poor girl had only just learned the joys of good foreplay before it was snatched cruelly away from her. We loved Ygritte so much because, frankly, she was a little bit common – something we weren’t used to from main GoT characters.

4) Viserys Targaryen

DIED: Season 1, episode 6 ‘A Golden Crown’
BY: Khal Drogo
METHOD: Burned/suffocated by melted gold

You want your crown, do you? Are you sure? HERE’S YOUR F*CKING CROWN!
Viserys had this coming from day one, what with his emotional and physical abuse of the Queen of our hearts, his blatant racism against other cultures and that stupid hair. One of the most gruesome deaths so far, it really got us excited for what was to come.

3) Tywin Lannister

DIED: Season 4, episode 10 ‘The Children’
BY: Tyrion Lannister
METHOD: Shot with an arrow

Call me what you will, but call my girlfriend a whore and I’ll put an arrow through your heart.
It might have been chivalrous, if Shane hadn’t just betrayed us all by doing the nasty with her beau’s dad. We did expect him to bow out a bit more gracefully though, rather than on the crapper.

2) Joffrey Baratheon

DIED: Season 4, episode 2 ‘The Lion And The Rose’
BY: Petyr Baelish
METHOD: Poison

DING DONG THE BITCH IS DEAD. Out of all of the deaths (and there were a lot) THIS was the one that had us jumping for joy and actually giving praise to Martin for killing someone off for a change. This really was the perfect death and he really did deserve it, but we wish it had been accomplished by someone that had more reason to. A.K.A literally anyone else.

1) Eddard Stark

DIED: Season 1, episode 10 ‘Fire And Blood’
BY: Ser Illyn Payne
METHOD: Beheading  

This was it. This was the moment you realised that nobody was safe. It isn’t normal for a series to kill off one of the most important characters like he was some butchers boy that nobody would remember. In hindsight though, he WAS played by Sean Bean, so it should have been expected.

Who do you think should have gotten top spot? Let me know in the comments below, or on Twitter at @dimmickhead!



Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s