Disney Princesses Rated In Order Of Fierceness

princessDespite everybodys obvious love for Disney and its darling princesses, there’s no denying there’s some massive flaws when it came to their common sense. So, from spending your full adolescent in a tower, waiting for your prince to come, to getting out into the real world and getting sh*t done, we’ve ranked the girls in order of feist and sass.

12. Snow White (Snow White & The Seven Dwarves)

Disney Princesses Rated In Order Of Fierceness
“Why, yes, creepy decrepit old woman, I would LOVE to take a bite of your ratchet apple” 

Yeah, yeah she might be able to coerce woodland animals into doing her bidding, which is a skill most of us wish we had, but DAY-UM take control of your life, Snow. All the swooning and baby-voices get a bit old after half an hour and TBF didn’t your late mother ever tell you to NOT to accept food from strangers?

11. Cinderella (Cinderella)

Disney Princesses Rated In Order Of Fierceness

“Save me Prince Charming because, as I am but a lowly woman, and incapable of sorting my own sh*t out”

Hey, Cinders, ever heard of a little thing called ‘emancipation’? And surely when you were cleaning the house for the 7656789th time, you would’ve come across your dads will? No? Well you obviously didn’t do a very thorough job cleaning then did you. No wonder your step-mother was always on at you.

10. Aurora (Sleeping Beauty)

Disney Princesses Rated In Order Of Fierceness
“ZZZzzzzzzzZZzZzz…” 

Girl is LAZY to epic proportions. Like Snow White, Aurora just lay around, twiddling her thumbs, waiting for her prince to come. Granted, I personally wouldn’t have liked to come head-to-head with Malificent and her daemon-dragon-abilities, but jeez.

9. Ariel (The Little Mermaid)

Disney Princesses Rated In Order Of Fierceness
“Eric fell in love with me, despite me never saying a word to him. He must really like me for my personality” 

This girl-fish obviously had a serious case of daddy issues, and you must admit her stranger-danger radar is not up to much. Ursula doesn’t exactly look like a fairy god mother, what with her multiple slimy tentacles and the fact that she keeps eels as pets.

8. Anna (Frozen)

Disney Princesses Rated In Order Of Fierceness
I mean it’s crazy, we finish each others sandwiches – even though we’ve never shared a sandwich. Herpderp” 

Anna, in the words of your more-clued-up sister: “YOU CANT MARRY SOMEONE YOU’VE JUST MET”. And while we’re on the subject, you can’t act all surprised when he turns out to be a total d*ck, 4 days after you’ve met him. Still though, she does earn something for choosing her sister over an actual nice guy. Probably because he smelt like reindeer.

7. Belle (Beauty & The Beast)

Disney Princesses Rated In Order Of Fierceness
“I’ve read every single book in the world. Well, except How To Pick Locks For Dummies”

Belle had some serious sass in the beginning. Guuurl did her own thang; didn’t let Gaston tell her what to do, and didn’t bow down to the conventions of her weird, Stepford-esque town either. She even gave up her freedom to save her dad (who let’s face it, GOT HIS OWN STUPID SELF INTO THAT MESS). Then she let us all down by falling in love with her captor. Isn’t that called Stockholm Syndrome?

6. Jasmine (Aladdin)

Disney Princesses Rated In Order Of Fierceness
“I can’t think logically because my brain is being weighed down by my massive earrings” 

Talk about shallow. Out of all the Disney dudes, Aladdin was definitely a hot slice, yet she was ready to drop him as soon as she found out he wasn’t a prince. Plus, the girl keeps a tiger as a pet. I’d like to know what the RSPCA thinks about that. Don’t come crying to me when he rips your face off while you sleep.

5. Lady (Lady & The Tramp)

Disney Princesses Rated In Order Of Fierceness
“Woof, bitch please”

This pretty pooch may have led a sheltered life, but she gave as good as she got once she was out on the mean streets. Lady didn’t mind giving her love interest ‘what for’ when he got too big for his boots, and even did a classic storm out scene (though she did end up in the pound). She also stood up for her family when those creepy kitties tried to wreak havoc, plus she totally rocks that big red bow. Lady is a real bad bitch. Get it? Because she’s a female dog…?

4. Pocahontas (Pocahontas)

Disney Princesses Rated In Order Of Fierceness
“My best friend is a raccoon; your English opinions are invalid”

I’m not 100% sure, but I think Pocahontas might have been high throughout the film. Probably something to do with all of the natural berries she’d been eating. Seeing faces in trees, giving names to rocks, and *painting with all the colours of the wind*, whatever that means. Anyway, serious sass points for giving her man a good talking to whenever he stepped out of line, AND not abandoning everyone in her life in the name of *~~_troo luv_~~*.

3. Merida (Brave)

Disney Princesses Rated In Order Of Fierceness
“Heir to the throne and loads of money to spend on frizz taming products? YAWN” 

The first Disney princess not to have a love interest, Merida’s goal in life was to just BE ABLE TO DO WHAT SHE WANTS. FFS mom.
Yeah, she turned the woman who gave birth to her into a bear, but she took responsibility and sorted out her mistakes, and coerced her parents into letting her be an independent woman who don’t need no prince. Plus, that hair? Damn.

2. Megara (Hercules)

Disney Princesses Rated In Order Of Fierceness
“Oh, so you’re a demigod? As Shania Twain once said: that don’t impress me much”

Sass oozes out of every orifice of Megs body. She’s constantly coming out with quick-witted comebacks and doesn’t originally fall victim to the ridiculously chizzled-being that is Hercules. It doesn’t hurt to mention that she’s got that swaggerish walk down to a T, and can defend herself against scary monsters.

1. Mulan (Mulan)

Disney Princesses Rated In Order Of Fierceness
“My loins may burn for you, Mr Li Shang, but the honor of my family is wayyy more important” 

There’s no doubt that Mulan wins the top spot for most independent princess. She put her life at risk to save her dad (even though he was a bit of a d*ck to her in the beginning), bandaged down her bewbs and stood up to men twice the height and width of her. And she saved China. That’s a big feat too, because China’s well big.

Who do you think should have gotten top spot? Let me know in the comments below, or on Twitter at @dimmickhead!

This piece was origionally written for MyStudentStyle, a platform BY students, FOR students. Check it out here.

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