Catfish is arguably the best that MTV has to offer (you know, since they don’t actually play music anymore). However, it’s a pretty standard show in terms of narrative: apart from the occasional bump in the road, it’s easy to predict what’s round the corner.
We will always love you, Nev and Max, but you’re predictable as hell. Here’s the basic narrative of every Catfish episode, ever:
1. Nev and Max open the show by dicking around, because (in case you didn’t know), they are best friends. They’re also in the worlds grubbiest hotel room, and even though we’re sure that the budget would stretch for separate rooms, there’s the ominous twin-bed. Weird.
2. Time to get to work! And look at that, a single email has happened to have pinged into their inbox with THE PERFECT story for this episode. What. A. Coincidence.
3. ROAD TRIP BANTER!
4. They arrive at the house. Let’s recap on everything you’ve already told us in the email (there will also be another re-cap after the adverts).
5. They manage to establish the tell-tale signs. You’ve been talking for five years but never on webcam? Odd. That is just SO odd.
The Catfished will probably go on the defensive when Nev and Max suggest that their beau may be a Catfish, regardless of the fact that they’ve signed up for a show called Catfish…
6. Nev and Max knuckle down in a coffee shop with no other customers.
But what’s this? Someone ELSE has wrote on their Facebook wall? Better get in touch.
They speak to the person on the phone who confirms their suspicions: “Yeah, he’s a great guy, we’re really close. No, we’ve never met”. They never seem to warn this person who they’re ‘really close’ to that the Catfish duo’s on their tail, though.
7. Time for the debrief.
8. ROAD/PLANE TRIP!
9. It’s time! But wait, adverts first (ARE YOU KIDDING ME!?).
Mainly they lied because they’re a little over-weight or have self-image issues.
They chat and explain their reasoning, and the injured party tends to act pretty distant instead of going MENTAL like they should be. They probably say ‘Why couldn’t you just tell me?’
Depending on which season it is, Nev might loose his cool and do something CA-RAZY like throw their iPhone into a river.
10. They go back to the hotel and discuss.The Catfished seems pretty put off because the Catfisher isn’t Brad Pitt, despite them not being exactly Angelina Jolie.
12. The wrap up. Neither of them have tried to make contact since the show was filmed, everyone goes on with their lives. The end.