I’ve been wanting to visit Fat Hippo (Jesmond) for literally two years now, but there’s always been an obstacle. Most of the time, this obstacle is the well known first-world relationship problem that two grown adults can’t agree calmly and rationally where to eat on any given day.
This Sunday though, the God’s were smiling down on me, and we were both in the mood for some high-cholesterol burger havin’.
We started off with sharing Nachos. Now, I believe that Nachos can go either way, they either improve your quality of life by 30% or they ruin your day – there is no in between.
[CHILLI CHEESE NACHOS, £8]
Luckily, this was the first. Look at those nachos. Look at them. I mean for God’s sake, those nachos are as loaded as a gun (which is loaded). These people don’t care that this is a starter portion, because these people want you to be happy. They even included chilli, which just proves hands-down that these are some kind of world class nachos.
Fat Hippo’s menu isn’t particularly full, especially the starters, but I’d say that there’s something for everyone here.
Now onto the real reason you came here:
THIS BURGER had two beef patty’s, smothered in two different cheeses (unspecified, but delish), a slice of chorizo and streaky bacon, topped with two onion rings as big as my fist and as wide as a Sophie Kinsella novel.
Also take note of those two gorgeous, ripe gherkins on the side. Quality. Seriously.
Now, I’m a real Geordie gal with a real Geordie gob, but even I couldn’t get my mouth around that burger. Wouldn’t you agree that that’s what makes a real burger? It should be something you can see as a challenge – The Fat Hippo burger was my Everest.
So did I conquer my Everest? Did I throw caution to the wind, and get down to this carbo-load an aggressive manner?
Well, I tried. I truly did, but I was not woman enough. I let our side down. I didn’t even get through half of my burger before I was seriously considering giving up.
Alas, food this good should never go to waste, so you better believe I got that baby ‘to go’ and polished it off a few hours later, lying on the sofa and watching The Office. Remember, it was the tortoise that won the race, after all.
If you held a gun to my head and demanded a complaint, I guess I’d say that there was a lot of grease involved. To he point where it was running down my fingers, and my takeout box had a good 3mm of liquid in the bottom by the time I got to it. However, you do not go to Fat Hippo for low-fat scran. If you want healthy, go to… Erm… Wow, I genuinely cannot name a healthy restaurant. Nudo? Sushi’s healthy, right? It’s just rice and fish. Whatever, I love meat and cheese. Deal with it.
Update: it’s been ten hours and I’m still so full. I have a theory that you could lose weight from eating Fat Hippo everyday, because that’s just one meal. One meal a day, no hunger pangs? Up yours, Weight Watchers.