Because of my extreme hoarding tendencies, I’m often surprised by the amount of beauty products I discover in my bedroom after a clear-out. It’s like a gift from me, to me!
I re-stumbled upon my Lush Toothy Tabs that I’d received as a gift THREE Christmases ago. Coincidentally, I was down to my last dregs of proper toothpaste, so it was the ideal time to try these babies out.
Overall, they sounded pretty cool. Shaped as a circular solid tablet, Toothy Tabs are packed with essential oils in place of fluoride (for cleaning), baking powder (for stains) and spices (to freshen breath).
As is always the case with Lush products, they are made will all-natural ingreedients, and come in 100% recyclable packaging. Did you know that billions (yes, BILLIONS) of toothpaste tubes go into landfill every year, and they can take 450 years (that’s FOUR HUNDRED AND FIFTY YEARS) to break down? I bloody well didn’t. This immediately piqued my interest, and before I even tried the product out I was cursing the rest of mankind for being so selfish and not using them themselves.
There are a variety of flavours, including Atomic, Dirty and Breath Of God (yes, really), but I happened to have Sparkle, made predominantly with citrus oils and pepper. The idea to use the Tabs was to take one between your teeth and nibble it until it was completely broken up. I felt like I was doing a bushtucker trial on I’m A Celebrity – it just felt wrong. I suppose I was expected the post-nibbled result to be something resembling a paste, but it was more just wet powder. Next, you’re instructed to wet your toothbrush and start brushing as you normally would. Really, once the tabs started to foam (as long as I kept the back of my throat closed) it was very much like brushing with regular toothpaste.
Nauseating story alert:
How can I say this without bringing on some collective projectile vomiting?
You know when you’re brushing your teeth and the toothpaste starts to
dribble escape? Well, because of the foaminess, this also happens with the Toothy Tabs. When this is happening with the standard Colgate, I have no problem slurping (ew) it up until I’m finished and can spit it out. This felt very wrong with the TT’s. I tried it and almost gagged, because I just couldn’t shake the feeling that this was a paracetamol that I couldn’t swallow.
And as far as gross anecdotes go, that’ll do for now.
After spitting out the remaining product, I did the ‘teeth test’ as I usually would. You know the Teeth Test right? They do it on all the adverts? Big cheesy smile while you run your tongue across your newly-polished gnashers? No? Okay then. They DID pass the test, as my teeth felt both smooth and clean. However, I just didn’t FEEL like I’d brushed my teeth. It was more feeling like I’d just taken drugs. You know that drug that you rub on your gums or whatever? Is it cocaine? LSD? I don’t know about drugs, I’m not going to apologise for that. Anyway, that’s what it felt like.
The lack of minty freshness definitely added to my pessimism, although I know that there’s no correlation between mint and oral hygiene, it’s rather just a way of thinking that we’re all conditioned to.
Lush’s website claims that, from a three month study, regular users of the tabs reported overall cleanliness, no increased sensitivity and some participants seen an improvement of dental hygiene. Not exactly the most compelling advert in the world, is it? TOOTHY TABS: YOU MIGHT FEEL BETTER! Bit of a difference from the claims of other toothpaste markets, guaranteeing to improve your gums, strengthen enamel and produce teeny-tiny unicorns that will floss your teeth with their silver hair.
In conclusion, I’ve got strongly mixed feelings about the Toothy Tab’s. I think they’re an amazingly beneficial idea in theory, but I also think that we’ve all been far too conditioned by the usual, mint toothpastes to change our habit now. Without the fresh aftertaste, it just doesn’t feel like a thorough clean. Maybe we can break the convention and look forward to a tabby’er world?
Have you tried Toothy Tabs? Let me know what you thought in the comments below, or on Twitter at @dimmickhead!