We Need To Talk About The Gilmore Girls Revival

If you’re out on the road, feeling lonely and so cold,
All you have to do is call my name and I’ll be there on the next train.
Where you lead, I will follow anywhere that you tell me to
If you need, you need me to be with you I will follow, when you lead”

Be STILL my beating heart, it’s back.

Gilmore Girls has always had a really special place in my heart. It’s something that I used to watch with my aunt at a young age and, since the beauty of Netflix has graced my life, I’ve watched on and off ever since. I’d recently finished a particularly long binge when I heard stirrings of a revival, but I was skeptical.

Revivals, much like second novels, are never as good as the first. This is just a fact of life. As I say, Gilmore Girls gets me right here *points at heart*, and if anybody DARED try to ruin it I’d have their guts for garters.

Gilmore Girls: A Day In The Life premiered on Netflix on Friday and fans consumed it in their troves. I practically had to go on social media lock-down for 24 hours as I didn’t have access to it until Sunday, but you better believe I ate that sh*t up at my earliest convenience.

A lot’s went on since then. I’ve laughed, I’ve cried, I’ve gasped at my screen in sheer HORROR, and I’ve come out of the other end not really knowing how to feel. We need to talk about it.

Obviously this blog post contains ALL OF THE SPOILERS so please only read ahead if you’ve completed AYITL. If not, go away, watch ’em all, come back and TALK TO ME ABOUT IT!

 

RORY GILMORE 

I just got hit by a deer” 

Rory Gilmore was my idol.
She was studious, street-smart, funny and seemed to have every half decent boy in town after her (without even having to ‘put out’). Sure, she got to be a bit of a whiny, overachieving pain in the arse near the end but, you know, she had her redeeming features. Seeing Rory as the high-flying, power-hungry journalist brought me so much joy in the opening scene.

Seeing the prodigal daughter return to Stars Hollow was exhilarating and I really felt like this whole revival was going to be a great thing. Then the cracks started appearing.

Paul. Poor, quaint Paul that seemed to have no major flaws that made him completely forgettable, and obviously doted on Rory and her family. It was a really shitty thing that Rory kept forgetting that she had a boyfriend, never mind forgetting to end things with him. I get that this was meant to be a funny skit but it seemed a little bit mean and woke me up to who this older Rory was and how she treat people.

Which of course leads me to my next point – Logan Fucking Huntzberger. Yes, that prick. It’s great to see he hasn’t matured or altered his gaze on women AT ALL since the last time we seen him fuck-boying about. This is NOT a likeable storyline. It’s not ‘aww Rory’s back with her one true love, who cares if some poor girl we never meet is being bitch slapped my the lack of girl code and simultaneously having her heart ripped to pieces by someone she thought wanted to marry her, because it’s our Rory and she’s the only one that deserves happiness’.

NO, okay? Just no.

Rory’s relationships however, were the only things that really turned me against her during this. As someone growing up with very similar aspirations to Rory (okay, I’m more of a Cosmo girl that The New Yorker but still), I totally felt and was able to relate to the struggle. Sure, you think after 20odd years in the biz she might have built up SOME contacts to prevent her work drying up and being homeless but nobody’s perfect.

On another note, I personally thought teaching would have been a good career detour for Rory, since she seemed so unconnected to journalism compared to her younger self, but who am I to judge?

Also, Alexis Bedel has not aged at all over the years. What’s with that?

LORELAI GILMORE 

“Oy with the poodles already” 



Lorelai’s life seems to have been ticking along just fine while we’ve been gone. She’s still loving her quirky life in Stars Hollow, still with Luke and still building her own hotel empire. However, she doesn’t seem to have progressed much in the last nine years. No more children, no marriage and no expansions to The Dragonfly.

Of course, this is okay. Not every woman is unfulfilled unless they’re married and sharing a brood of screaming brats darling children, but we know from the past that Lorelai DOES want these things – and cracks start to appear pretty quickly.

She still has that Special Snowflake thing going on for her, which depending on your mood is either endearing or annoying. In AYITL, it was a bit of both.

When you’re in a serious long-term relationship, it’s neither the fair nor adult thing to do to just run away from your problems to ‘discover yourself’. You’re nearly 50 L, talk it out.

However all is right in the world once again as they both work it out and are lawfully wed. True love conquers and all that jazz ❤️.

It’s interesting to see which aspects of Loreli and Rory’s relationship have changed or stayed the same over the years. They’re certainly still the best of friends but, with Rory being a bonifide adult now, they’re on more equal footing.

When Rory approaches Lorelai about her /Jess’ book idea, you get that Rory’s finally got her spark back and is excited about it, but you also get that this is the first thing that Lorelai is denying her daughter, and she’s given up everything to provide and be a great mum to her. It was hard to decide whose side I was on, but I’ll admit I would buy the shit out of that book.


EMILY GILMORE


“I was going to wait until you called me but my life isn’t as long as yours” 

Ah Emily, still as sassy as ever.

AYITL for Emily is all about finding herself and learning how to live independently, and not as an add on of her husband *sob*. The shell of Emily has always been painted as a kind of rich-bitch with an underlying resentment for her daughter but, as any real fan will know, deep down is an intelligent, caring woman that wants nothing but the best for her family.

She’s no longer going through maids faster than clean underwear, but instead is sticking with her latest that doesn’t speak a lick of English and has taken on the role as host-slash-grandmother to her maid’s family. It’s weird and I loved it.

It’s so endearing to see her trying to pick herself up after Richard’s death and continuing to be the woman everybody expects her to be, but you really just want to give her a hug and tell her everything’s going to be okay.

Of course, her and Lorelai are still fighting like cat and dog but it wouldn’t be Gilmore Girls if they weren’t.

She really was the star if the show for me.
RICHARD GILMORE


“Only prostitutes have two glasses of wine at lunch” 

Oh, the pain.

Every time there was even a mention of Richard or a scene involving him I was welling up beyond control. He was never a favorite of mine during the original series, but there was no denying that he was a great, hardworking man and a doting father and grandad. His death hit all fans hard, and it was really a struggle to adjust to a GG world without Richard Gilmore.
SOOKIE ST.JAMES


“I’m so hot I may hit on myself tonight” 

I really doubted whether Melissa McCarthy would want to come back for the revival but I’m so glad she did, even if it wasn’t for very long.

Sookie was such a huge character in the original series, so it was a blow to hear she’d left The Dragonfly to pursue other things but, that’s life. You could always kind of tell Lorelai was more into the whole hotel thing than she was.

She’s still married, still sprouting out kids, still our over-excitable Sookie. I love her.


MICHELE GERRARD


Producers have finally confirmed what we’ve known since season one, Michele is gay. Not only this, he’s married and ADOPTING A CHILD!!!

Still as bitchy and quick witted as ever, he damn near breaks our hearts when he reveals he’s been looking for concierge jobs elsewhere.

It’s all left a bit up in the air with Michele, you don’t find out whether him and husband are successful in their plans to adopt or whether he actually leaves. Maybe in the revival’s revival, am I right?

 

LANE KIM


“Eternal damnation is what I’m risking for my rock and roll” 

I don’t know why everyone was so disappointed with the way Lane’s story ended in season seven. It’s okay to chose domestic bliss over being a rocker if it makes you happy, which in her case it clearly does. She’s still doing her thing with Hep Alien and that’s so cool. She also seems like the coolest mum ever.

Oh and how adorable is her dad? Can’t you just imagine who wears the pants in his and Mrs Kim’s relationship?
PARIS GELLER


“Have I ever been mistaken for a patient person?”

We always knew Paris would be destined for great things. Well, when we say great things we mean she was destined to run her own empire and tear people down with so much as a glance.

Leading Lady in the world of surrogacy, Paris seems to have it all figured out. However everything’s not how it seems, her and Doyle are going through a divorce and her nanny seems to have more of a connection with her children than she does.

As with Michele, everything was left a bit open-ended for Paris, and I was disappointed to see how she went to pieces after visiting Chilton. Still losing her shit over seeing Tristan and allowing her nemesis Francie to completely transport her back to her insecure childhood self. Paris, you have done so much. Own it.
CHRISTOPHER HAYDEN


“One bag of coffee per cup of water, right?”

Still a prick, next please.

KIRK GLEASON


“One day it occured to me… cows never wrinkle”

Of course Kirk and Lulu adopted a pig named Petal. What else should I have expected?

He’s also a business tycoon, creating this totally new idea called Uber. Oh, sorry, I mean Ooober. It seems that, emotionally anyway, Kirk hasn’t changed at all but we love him for it.

His screening of his latest short film is everything I’ve ever wanted in life, and his comic-releif provided a nice distraction for when things were getting tough around Stars Hollow.

Sadly, he seems to have distanced himself from Taylor as of late.

TAYLOR DOOSE


“There is no use for a lava lamp unless you’re on drugs”

Still somewhat of a town dictator, Taylor’s latest improvement of Stars hollow involves replacing the piping with sewage systems. Really hard hitting stuff, Tay Tay.

I was at least hoping he’d have found someone to take his mind of his obsessive compulsive behavior, maybe in he shape of a woman, but hey ho, you can’t win em all.
JESS MARIANO

“Think of how dull your life would be without me”

Let me get one thing straight, I’ve waited nine years to see Jess back in action. What amounts to about four minutes of screen time does NOT satisfy my desires, okay Palladino?

He seems to have ironed out his attitude problem over the years, but he’s quite obviously still hung up on Rory which is a little bit sad considering it’s obvious she hasn’t spent this whole time moping about him. Get over it Jess, plenty more fish in the sea. Like myself, to use an example. 

He’s getting along with Luke a lot better lately, and it’s great to see them getting together as friends rather than two people who are being forced to spend time together because it’s the right thing to do.

Also, I call myself a fan but I had no idea Milo and Alexis dated IRL until a few days ago. That completely blows my mind.

DEAN FORESTER


“We could go to a bookstore. I’ll watch you browse for six or seven hours”

I found Dean quite the wet flannel after series one (and seen him as a massive cheating nob-end from season four) but I loved present day Dean.

He really seems to have his act together, has many children causing havoc and seems to be loving every second for it. Good for him.

Also he doesn’t take one look at his childhood sweetheart and decide that he’s still madly in love with her -cough Jess-.

 

So, that’s all of my feelings from the Gilmore Girls revival. What did you think? And what about those four last words? Work of genius or lazy, open-ended writing? Tell me your thoughts in the comments below, or on Twitter at @dimmickhead!

#QuirkyQristmas – Gift Ideas For Him

It’s the mosttttt wonderful timeeeeeee, of the yeeeeeeeeeear!

Installment two of the #QuirkyQristmas installments is all about the men in your life. I’ve tried to cater it so there’s something for everyone and, again, it’s all £25 or under.

 

His Favourite Lyrics Poster 

lyrics

It’s so difficult to buy decorative items for lads, so this is super simple yet ingenius. It says a lot about his personality without being too in-your-face.

Buy it here for £10.95.

 

Initials Cufflinks

original_brass-initial-letter-cufflinks

In case it wasn’t obvious, I’m a sucker for personalised-initials bits and bobs. These cufflinks are especially good, and I really love the burnt gold ones.

The LINK is here (geddit?), £25.

 

2. Damn Handsome Beard Kit

original_beard-grooming-kit

The band of bearded-men are here to stay, and they’ve never looked better. This quirky Mankit boasts beard oil, wax, a mustache brush and clippers, all contained in a gorgeous gold tin.

Get groomin’ here for £25.

Song Soundwave

original_3d-favourite-song-soundwave-keyring

Combine the classic presents – a mixtape and a keyring – into one with his favourite song soundwave. Whether it’s your wedding song, something he can’t get out of his head or just something that reminds you of him, it gives a great sentimental spin.

Get the tunes here for £19.50.

 

Snaffling Pig Crackling

original_three-little-pigs-pork-crackling-small-jar-bundle

Get him the gift of the three little pigs this christmas, then let him savagely eat them. Snaffling Pig’s crackling is like no other, and this gift set allows you to personalise your flavours and even order refills.

Chow down here for £20 (not including refills).

 

Personalised Hip-Flask 

original_pocket-hip-flask-with-initials

I know right, another monogrammed gift – shock. This personalised hip flask doesn’t show off, comes beautifully presented and will stand the test of time.

Get it here for £21.

 

The next installment of QuirkyQristmas will be aimed at our pooches – stay tuned!

@dimmickhead

#QuirkyQristmas – Gift Ideas For Her

Halloween is over and I have absolutely no qualms about diving head-first into everything Christmassy. If there are any Scrooges out there, I suggest you avert your eyes!

This is hopefully going to be the first of many gift-themed posts, and I’m hoping to inspire you all (and myself) to get a wriggle on and start your Christmas Shopping early!

The first installment is for the women in your life – take a look below at my online picks.

 

‘Like A Boss’ Mousepad, £9.88

mousemat

These made-to-order, stain-resistant mousepad’s are beautiful and cheeky, plus anything that brightens up your working day is a winner.

Buy it here for the boss-ass bitch in  your life.

 

Cord Organiser, from £5.93

cabledog

The dreaded untangle! These cute-as-a-button dog-themed cable organisers will mean you’ll never face this First World Problem every again.

Don’t get in a tangle, but it here.

Gilmore Girls Themed Mug, £12.35

trollop-cup

It’s been a long time coming, but Gilmore Girls is finally making a comeback THIS VERY MONTH on Netflix! These mugs come in three GG-themed designs, but this is my personal fave.

For the Rory to your Loreli, get it here.

Otter Tape Dispenser, £11.12

otter

It’s an otter-shaped tape dispenser. It’s an OTTER shaped TAPE DISPENSER!!! Nobody needs this, but everyone wants it.

You otterly MUST buy it here.

 

Prosecco & Strawberry Lip Balm, £7.45

ballmmm

Was there ever a better combo than strawberries and Prosecco? Make the change from boring old Vasseline with this beauty.

I’m at loss for a pun – just click here to buy.

 

Gin & Tonic Charm Bracelet, £10

gin

Pandora is SO last Christmas. Get this funky charm bracelet instead! The buyer cannot be held responsible for the noon-cravings, though.

Happy hour starts here.

Custom Temporary Tatts, £5.76

tatt

For the friend who’s not ready to take the plunge (or face the needle!), these gorgeous temporary tattoo designs can last up to seven days.

‘Stick’ it in your trolley here. 

 

Dachshund Planter, £18

planet

I almost passed out when I seen this. Look at his face! Look at his plant! He’s such a good boy.

Don’t go sniffin’ around, get it here.

 

Personalised Stripe Makeup Bag, £16

makeup

This isn’t just if you have a friend called Laura and can be personalised with anything you want. The simple but bold design is gorgeous.

Play the name-game here.

 

‘Straight Outta Wherever’ Print, £17.95

COMPTON.jpg

Be the talk of the town (lol) by gifting this modern, tongue-in-cheek print.

Get it straight outta’ here.

 

 

My Month In Books : September

 

In September, I ate books for breakfast. I was a reading machine. I was Lauren, Conquerer of the Literature – rising up from her paperback throne and slaying any plotline that dared cross me.

The truth is that, nowadays, I really struggle to find time to read. It tends to be a case of fitting it in on my half hour commute to work or wolfing down ‘just one more chapter’ before I collapse into bed of a night. My holiday to Mexico was exactly what I needed to binge on all of the books I’d been depriving myself of.

Take a look below and hopefully let yourself be inspired for your next read (or at least know what to avoid).

 

The Stepmother by Claire Seeber

the-stepmother

Newlyweds Jeanie and Matthew embark on their new life together with rose-tinted specks.

With two children from a previous marriage and an ex-wife that won’t stay away, Matthew already holds a lot of baggage. But when strange things start to happen, Jeanie may be right to be a little bit suspicious about what she’s gotten herself in to.
I’d saved this book especially for my holiday as it has been recommended by three people whose taste I trust. It flowed well and kept you guessing throughout. I found Jeanie a bit plain and 2D to begin with, but as the story goes on you discover she’s not as black and white as she seems.

★★★☆☆

 

After You by Jojo Moyes 

ay

It takes a lot for me to praise a chick-lit. I’d downloaded Me Before You begrudgingly as I couldn’t wait at a bus stop or open a magazine without having it shoved down my neck and I’m too nosey not to be part of something that was obviously going to blow up.

I ate my words after chapter one when I was so engrossed in it that it may as well have been glued to my hand.

In case you’ve been living under a rock, Me Before You is based around the relationship between quirky, care-free Lou and broody Will Trainor, a recently wheelchair-bound ex-banker that misses his old life. Now, if you haven’t read the first installment I must insist that you skip this next paragraph completely as it’s spoilers galore.

Okay? Don’t say I didn’t warn you.
After You picks up a few months after the end of MBY where Louisa isn’t living the YOLO lifestyle Will had envisioned for her before his assisted suicide. She’s bored and missing home.
I won’t mince my words, this book is not as good as it’s predecessor. But, it never really is, is it? On it’s own merits and completely taking MBY out of the equation it can absolutely stand alone as a feel-good (sometimes feel-not-so-good) read. The thriller-Queen enjoyed it, and that deserves praise in itself.

★★★★☆

 

Blonde Hair, Blue Eyes by Karin Slaughter 

blonde-hair

A beautiful 19-year-old girl goes missing. She has blonde hair and blue eyes.

And according to our protagonist Julia, this is just too much of a freaky coincidence because *gasp* she is beautiful, has blonde hair and blue eyes!!!!!!!!!!

I just found this novella a bit annoying. This is a no spoiler zone, but the ending was super anti-climatic and I just felt that it was more the inner monologue of a self-centered teenager than something to make me scared to walk home alone. That’s all I’ll say.

★☆☆☆☆

 

While My Eyes Were Closed by Linda Green

eyes-closed

Working mum Lisa shuts her eyes and counts to 100. She’s playing a game of hide-and-seek with her little girl. When she opens her eyes, Ella is gone without a trace. Everyone has their theories on who took her, but what if it’s not as predictable as that?

God, I loved this book. First off, I love a thriller where the story doesn’t revolve around the detectives and actually gives you a full insight on how this is effecting the victims (or perpetrator). The flashback-scenes, which can sometimes be tedious in other things I’ve read, are so compelling and really paint a vivid picture of what’s going on in the characters’ minds.

It’s all a very ambitious premise, but Green pulls it off seamlessly.

★★★★☆

Seeing Other People by Mike Gayle

seeing-other

Bit of a bizzare story line but stay with me; family-man Joe Clarke wakes up one morning and is 99.9% sure he’s just  cheated on his wife. The problem is, he can’t remember either way, despite the absence of a hang-over or any other reason for short-term memory loss. But all the signs are there, so surely he did it? Overcome with guilt he tells his wife what he thinks he’s done, and his whole world falls apart. Alongside this, he begins to get vivid hallucinations of his dead ex-girlfriend who seems to have become a type of life-coach/psychotic-nightmare.

Well, I did say it was bizzare. This book was okay – I resent trying to understand or like a protagonist that, whether a cheat or not, got himself into a situation where it was possible then spent months feeling like the victim about it.

The other characters, for example Joe’s wife or the guys from the Divorced Dad’s Club, were much more likeable and provided me with some comic releif.

★★☆☆☆

The World Of Karl Pilkington 

karl-p

Some way or another I’ve always found myself reading one of Karl’s books while on holiday. I relate to this guy; I’m bald, miserable and don’t see the point in most things. I’ve also got some great ideas and inventions stored away in my big round head that other people think are stupid (e.g. egg-yolk sauce, in a bottle like ketchup. That’s trademarked – if you try and use it I’ll sue you).

This is a basically pointless book, and my process was to dip into it in intervals when I was getting bored of whatever other book I was reading, and when I did so I’d often chuckle to myself and share tit-bits with whoever was in the sunlounger next to me.

He’s daft and I love him.

★★★☆☆

The Widow by Fiona Barton 

the-widow

Jean Taylor’s husband was just hit by a bus and killed on impact.

After years of living for Glen (for better or for worse) she finds herself free. But there are secrets in their marriage that are threatening to come to light, and now she’s the one holding the cards.

There’s not a lot I can say about this book without totally spoiling it for potential readers but, while it was slow at some parts, it kept my interest. I wasn’t bowled over with the ending, as I felt it was leading up to something a lot more ‘twisty’.

It’s definitely worth a read.

★★★☆☆

Get Even by Martina Cole

get-even

Sharon and Lenny were childhood sweethearts, and the only thing that could make their white-picket-fence picture complete is their latest addition, a baby boy.
Sharon knows better than to question Lenny’s business dealings and reputation, especially since it pays for her lavish lifestyle so well.
However, when Lenny’s found brutally murdered Sharon might well wish she’s had more of an insight to what her husband was getting up to behind closed doors…

I’d been meaning to read something by Cole for a few years now, and I actually didn’t notice this was her book before downloading it. I was pleasantly surprised. It wasn’t the twisty-turny murder-mystery I assumed it would be, but it was unlike anything I’ve read before. Cole really manages to paint a picture in your mind of a life you had no idea about. There were a few times I’d be surprised to find myself in the present, and not following around gangsters and counting my £100 notes.

By the looks of the snippets from her other books at the end of Get Even, I’d guess that everything she writes follows this type of style and I’ll definitely be downloading more. Well, there’s another 21 to get through so I’ll be busy.

★★★★☆

Follow Me by Angela Clarke

follow-me

The ‘Hashtag Murderer’ has claimed his first victim. Posting chilling tweets, they’re steadily gaining a large following as his audience looks on in horror. Everyone’s following him, but if HE following YOU?

I abandoned this book halfway through. I know, I know, how can I judge a book that I’ve never even finished? Easily actually, because I was bored stiff and I had other things I wanted to read. Although the plot line was genuinely interesting, I just don’t think the delivery was all that great. Maybe the book’s aimed at an older, more clueless audience but I couldn’t cope with how the author described Twitter as complicated as diffusing a nuclear bomb. The chapter titles (BTW – By The Way, FWP – First World Problems etc.) felt patronizing and felt as if they were trying too hard. I also felt that a lot of the description passages were rambly and didn’t add much to the story line.

★★☆☆☆

What have been your best holiday-reads this year? Let me know in the comments below, or on Twitter at @dimmickhead!

 

 

 

 

  REVIEW: Harry Potter & The Cursed Child

*Spoilers will be reserved for the end of this blog post, I’m not cruel*

 

I’m baaaaaaaack. 

I know, I know, I’m a shithouse. I made this big thing about being back to blogging and it was a lie and I’m the worst.

To be honest I’ve been feeling pretty uninspired lately, and I kept putting off my next post until there was something that really got me excited (or angry). This morning I finished the latest installment of the HP saga and ThE fEeLiNg hit. I needed to blog.

HPCC.jpg

Now, anyone that knows me knows that my Harry Potter obsession borders on scary. If it’s crested, I have it. I’ve got wands, I’ve got pyjamas (x42), I’ve got the original books which are tattered and generally eroding, hallows jewellery, a Hedwig that lives on my bed, and the posters. Basically, I’m a big fan.

When I first read Harry Potter it just struck a chord with me. I’ve revisited the story every other year with the books, and rarely go a fortnight without watching one of the movies (Unpopular opinion, Goblet Of Fire is King). Id easily go as far to say it’s the best modern literature there is, and if you oppose this opinion you’re simply wrong.

So naturally when it was announced that a new book/screen play was to be released FEATURING THE ORIGIONAL CAST I felt like I’d been hit by a bus. But like, in a good way.

I won’t lie, I had my misgivings. Why tamper with perfection? Leave the saga as it is, immense and untouched. IMO, it was wrapped up ideally, everyone really did live happily ever after. I just genuinely believed that it was going to be unnecessary.

I was right.

By the time I’d got through Act One I already knew I was not going to enjoy this. It didn’t fit right – the characters didn’t speak like themselves, their mannerism’s were off and I just didn’t BUY the plot.

Of course there’s very limited information available to people that haven’t read/seen it of what the plot IS, so for the sake of the spoiler-free section of this blog,  it involves a lot of time-travel, family feuding and friendship woes.

Starring in this charade is young-ish Albus Severus Potter, a bit of an outcast that’s sick of having to live up with his family name. Alongside his best friend (who for now shall remain nameless), he sets out to right some wrongs and create his own legacy with horrible repercussions.

His dad, formerly The Boy Who Lived, is working himself to the bone as Head Of Magical Law Enforcement at the ministry.

I felt like the great Harry Potter having a normal (normal for a wizard, anyway) occupation lacked the magic that I’d come to expect from JK. At the end of the books, the future was out there for my long-time hero. He could be the next Dumbledore, the Minister For Magic, or he could like, get a government grant or something and spend the rest of his life kicking dark magics’ arse. But no, he’s an over-worked Ministry employee. It’s not even a particularly cool department. Magical Law Enforcement? THE GREAT HARRY POTTER? THE CHOSEN ONE? Pur-lease.

For me, the characters felt like ghosts of their former selves, and the jokes and reminiscence felt entirely forced.

I won’t say it wasn’t exciting to see what the old gang was up to; I’ve spent hours pondering what the personalities of their children and what they’re all up to ‘these days’, but I was disappointed at the lack of references to everyone else. How’s Kreacher’s attitude lately? Did Hermoine ever recover her mum and dad’s memory? How is George coping?????? I’ll never know, it seems.

WARNING – THE SPOILERS START HERE. DO NOT READ ON UNLESS YOU HAVE READ THE BOOK OR SEEN THE PLAY.

So, let’s talk about why we’re really here.

What the fuck was that about? No, seriously, whose idea was it? I need a word with them.

I was almost sure I’d mis-read. JKR wouldn’t allow such a predictable and sloppy plotline to tarnish her legacy.

Voldemort has a child with Bellatrix Lestrange? Are you kidding? In what world, even a world where wooden sticks can make things levitate and the love of your mother can shield you inadvertently from murder, can this happen?

I’ll get the practicalities out of the way first.

Voldy doesn’t have a nose, OR a soul. Okay? If he doesn’t have either of those, can someone explain the likelihood that he’d have SEMEN or a PENIS? This is an actual request, I need to understand the physicality of it.

I mean, some will argue that it wasn’t done via a physical act and rather by magic, but what is this? The bible? Is Delphi Riddle the second coming? No, she’s not.

On top of this, I couldn’t cope with the portrayal of Snape or Dumbledore (dude, stop crying). I get that it’s harder to portray a personality through speech alone and that it’s more down to the actor, but these characters that we’ve known for so long and grown to love… they just wouldn’t talk like that.

However, since I’m such a ‘glass half-full’ type of gal, I’ll tell you what I did enjoy about the book.

Scorpious Malfoy. What a little honey. I knew immediately that I loved him and wanted to cradle and protect him forever (possibly as a step-mother since Draco always did give me *the flutter*). He was funny, charming and adorably portrayed, even on paper. 10/10 for that blond-haired little firecracker.

 

I know some of you will disagree with me, and that’s okay. The beauty of literature is that it can be interpenetrated and enjoyed differently from each person, and that’s a fantastic thing.

This is just one fan’s take on it, and it wasn’t positive. It felt like fan-fiction. I can’t actually imagine this storyline being pitched to Rowling and her saying “Yes, this sounds great. Let’s do it”. She created a whole entire world of magic and wonder and it was AMAZING. To this day I still live and breathe Harry Potter and, to be honest, I feel let down that this is what we’ve been waiting for. There it is. I’m just a girl, standing in-front of her audience, asking them to understand her </3.

Will I go and see the play? Of course I will, because I’m a huge hypocrite and live and breathe the wizarding world of Harry Potter. I pledge my allegiance to Dumbledore’s Army. Potter ’til I die.

 

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I’d be super interested to know how you found The Cursed Child, please let me know in the comments below, or on Twitter at @dimmickhead!

 

REVIEW: Rob Sinclair’s Hunt For The Enemy

#TheHuntIsOn

 

I was privileged to be asked to be part of the blog tour for Rob Sinclair’s newest venture, Hunt For The Enemy. The Enemy series comes to an end with this latest installment, and it’s truly lived up the its legendary predecessors.

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We’re reunited with our favorite broody action-man Carl Logan, but this time the tables have turned. The Joint Intelligence Agency, the only normality he’s ever known, have branded him a traitor after he’s framed for murder. They want him dead, and as per, they’re not the only ones.
But it’s not just Carl’s life on the line – one by one, agents and informants from all over are dying. Is it all linked? Only our hero can stop it once and for all.

HFTE is everything I was expecting: gripping, action packed and suspenseful until the last second. Rob has a knack for creating an intricate story, but one that flows well and doesn’t overpower the readers experience. Because of this, HFTE can be read as a stand-alone novel (though I’d recommend starting with Dance With The Enemy, onto Rise Of The Enemy, THEN the latest – possibly only stopping for food and toilet breaks).

You’d think after two books you’d pretty much know the main character inside out, but Sinclair creates such a complex character that his personality’s still building in the third. Although he’s somewhat of a loner, Logan is appealing as the hero and, even though he’s far from perfect, you undoubtedly like and root for him.

It’s the general rule throughout literature that after the first hit, the story-line dwindles and can’t live up. This is SO not the case for the Enemy series. From the first to the third, it’s a total draw for me.

So Rob, what’s next?

 

 

 

Dear Younger, Thinner, Less-Wise Me…

If you look up ‘The Worst’ on Urban Dictionary there’s a picture of me looking sheepish next to my laptop.

These past few months have been a total roller-coaster, and I’m absolutely knackered just thinking about it to be honest. I’ve said so many times that I’ll pull my finger out and get back to blogging on the reg’, but adult life gets in the way and, by the time I collapse onto my settee every evening, I can barely muster up the strength to change the TV channel never mind get my thoughts in order for a blog post.

Well, that’s OFFICIALLY going to change. I’ve written it down now. A bloggers contract is binding, probably. I will be annoying you all with weekly posts from now until the E N D  O F  T I M E.

A uni-mate of mine posted a blog entitled ‘Dear Me…’ today (read it here, and you’ll want to follow her around screaming Little Mix – Little Me lyrics at her for a few hours. Totes emosh), and being the little idea-stealer that I am I thought I’d do the same. Not only will it get me posting again, but it’ll give you all a little insight of what I’ve been up to since I dropped off the face of the earth.

So here’s my rendition of things I’d like to blag my younger self about:

Dear younger, thinner, less-wise Lauren,

Well well well, look at you. You’ve only went and got yourself into your first choice for uni, and the time has come to wave goodbye to the carefree life of being a teenager and join the REAL WORLD (haha, just kidding. Wait until you turn 21).

I know you’re scared, but I also know you’re super excited to prove yourself and become the best journalist that Sunderland Uni’s ever had the pleasure of producing. Well mate, you can forget about that.
You might have been number one blogger in your College classes up until now, but University’s going to be a whole new kettle of fish. You’re getting thrown in to the lions den, surrounded by people JUST as passionate and JUST as willing as you to get what they want. Some of them will trip and fall at the first hurdle, and you’ll secretly think “THANK GOD, one less competitor to worry about”. Others will be more willing to put in the blood, sweat and tears than you are (I know right, who’d of thought year 2 would make you so lazy?). Hell, some people will run journalistic-circles around you without even making an effort, which will be something you spend hours bitching about to your newest friends.

That brings us on to our next point. Over the next few years, you will meet some of the most amazing and diverse people. You’ll cry when you have to leave them, and still think about the great times you had together often. Like the, rightly labelled, Funnest Day Ever after handing in your dissertation, or played ‘Never Have I Ever’ on a school-night and wanted to die throughout your lectures.

You label yourself as an unsociable person, claim that you’d rather be on your own to concentrate on your work, but by-hell lassie, get a grip will you? The next three years will be the most isolating of your life, so grab these friendships and run with them. You’ll need someone to stay with you through all-nighters at the library after all.

As it happens, you’ll also make a different kind of friendship. While you’re Bridget Jone’sing it up, giving the death-stare anything with a penis that dares to cast their eye on you, you’ll swipe ‘right’ on Tinder and end up meeting the love of your life. Over the next few years you’ll get to know him – and you’ll seriously consider homicide in the process – but you’ll come to realize that nobody has ever ‘got you’ quite like him, or made you laugh even on your worst day. You’ll go on amazing adventures but be just as happy to spend an evening binge-watching Netflix and not communicating. Apparently he’ll feel the same about you, so much so that he’ll ask you to marry him two and a half years later. That’s right, someone wants to marry YOU. Even with your stinking attitude, pennance for desert and inability to let the little things go. If you could actually receive this message in good time and start the wedding diet in, say, 2014, that’d be great. You’re actually a house-end come 2016. Put the fork down. Srsly.

You’ll fly the nest. You will be SO relieved to be out, after living through three years of hell with a pair of pre-teens that communicate in either squeals or grunts, but once you’re moved in, you’ll be unpacking your books and the most emotional song in the entire world will come on the radio (Iris – GooGoo Dolls, FYI) and you’ll fall to pieces realizing that you don’t live with your mammy anymore. As it happens, you can’t get bloody rid of her now anyway, so that will make it sort of okay.

OH! I almost forgot to tell you the best bit. You’ll absolutely SMASH uni and realize exactly what your life’s heading for. True, we haven’t quite got things up and running yet, but it’s coming, I can feel it in my bones!

So yeah, your life is going pretty spectacularly so far. People love and care about you, you still have your hopes and dreams, and your future’s looking bright. Well, sometimes. You know how your mood-swings are.

Stop being such a nervous-pervis and go with the flow, it’ll all work out in the end.

I promise.

Lots of love,
Your older, wiser self x

P.S: You’re still bald. Soz.